


Proserpina

by UlsPi



Series: It's all Greek to me (that is, Ineffable) [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe, Inspired by Hades and Persephone (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), Love at First Sight, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Persephone Goes Willingly With Hades (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore), References to Ancient Greek Religion & Lore, Sweet Hades (Ancient Greek Religion & Lore)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-16 14:33:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21272762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlsPi/pseuds/UlsPi
Summary: "Look at me," demanded Crowley, but Aziraphale couldn't hear or see him, so Crowley leaned closer to the water and whispered, "I was sure when I saw you, you are an axiome, you don't need to be proved, you are always right. I knew when I saw you, and I chose when I saw you. I jumped off of that cliff to show off and to calm down, because I wanted you instantly. Didn't you?"The reversed version of my fic "Persephone, Homer and time".





	Proserpina

**Author's Note:**

> Suicide is mentioned. Be careful and know that you are precious.

The goddess loved her child dearly. He was born one quiet night, and for the darkness surrounding his birth he was named Crowley. Besides, he was loud from his first hours, and the goddess found it endearing. Gods and gods' children grew fast, and once he was seven days old Crowley befriended a snake. Unfortunately, the snake was old, ancient even. Its age was the only reason it had crawled into the palace and settled itself close to the fire by which the young god was sitting in contemplation. He tried pouring wine he could see no use for, into the flame and rejoiced in the hissing sounds the fire made in response, but the goddess demanded he stopped, because she was focused on making the very first horseshoe crab. So far it had been turning out so well, she knew they'd have no need for any change in the following millions of years. She was proud of that and of that mischievous disaster by the fire, but the hissing had to stop, although it soon returned, and she saw her son talking to an old serpent. She knew instantly that the serpent was dying. Crowley learned it a few days later. He grieved and thought and decided to memorize his very first friend by taking its eyes. The goddess couldn't help accepting the youth's decision. After all memory was a shadow of love and the only thing she had always wished for her son was love. If his love for a serpent was that strong, then what would he feel for someone else, someone who'd share his life? 

The divine feasts bored the goddess, but she considered it instructive to take her son there every once in a while. The goddess had been the first to be born, but she had no desire for managing the lives of other gods and humans, so the much younger god, Gabriel, took it upon himself to rule. He wasn't a bad ruler, but had quite a temperament, couldn't dream of ever questioning something or feel anything but righteous arrogance towards the rest of the pantheon. He particularly disliked Aziraphale, a soft-spoken, clever, joyous god, who had the temerity to be universally loved. Gabriel wasn't jealous, he couldn't be, but he made sure Aziraphale renounced his right of the firstborn (he didn't want it anyway), and once he saw that Aziraphale felt pity for mortals, knew how to cherish fragile beauty of all things passing, Gabriel made him the god of death, and Aziraphale didn't argue, to Gabriel's surprise. He thanked his brother and said that he'd get to meet all the artists, poets, masters, travelers he so admired. Who would ever have a better story than a dead person? Their lives were over, and Aziraphale would always ensure they'd be at peace. Those who were old and those who were young had the best stories, although for different reasons. Aziraphale would take the children to their grieving parents and let the young souls comfort their mothers and fathers. He'd take dead lovers to their still living beloveds. Gabriel forbade any worship of his brother, and Aziraphale lauded the decision, because death was inevitable and therefore there wasn't much point in worshipping its deity. Gabriel knew that had Aziraphale been just a little bit more ambitious and a lot prouder, he'd rule the gods and humans alike. He tried to tread carefully with Aziraphale, yet some days he would forget himself and offend the god of death. Gabriel would then spend many a day in his heavenly chambers worrying about his power.

Whatever Gabriel couldn't comprehend he'd seek to destroy or at the very least avoid. That's why he wasn't all that excited about horseshoe crabs, for example, or the fact that Aziraphale wouldn't just trap someone in his domain to produce an heir or give Aziraphale some relaxation. Gabriel had always been wary of the goddess, and his wariness made him believe his cruelty might be justified by what Gabriel called "the greater good". Therefore one day when Aziraphale came for a brotherly visit (those always made Gabriel suspicious), he suggested that Aziraphale should really marry that young curious Crowley. That god, the patron of learning and knowledge, was far too bratty for Gabriel's taste, and his mother didn't restrain his curiosity or cut his long copper hair or felt ashamed of Crowley's terrible eyes and a penchant for turning into a snake mid-dessert to swallow the whole fruit plate in one go. Aziraphale wasn't obedient per se, but he had to be obedient, that was the price of being left to his own devices.

That was how he met Crowley one spring morning as the young god was about to jump off of a cliff into the sea. Crowley dropped a stone and carefully listened as it hit the water with a plup. "Well, that went down like a lead balloon," remarked Crowley and turned to take in the sight of his newly arrived companion.

"Beg your pardon?" Aziraphale asked.

"I said that went down like a lead balloon." Crowley repeated kindly. 

"Yes, yes, it did rather."

"Now, I must follow suit and do the same." Crowley took a few steps back and ran off of the cliff.

"Oh dear…" Aziraphale rushed to the edge of the cliff and looked down. Well, he saw nothing but the waves and foam. Crowley climbed up half an hour later, soaking wet and deliriously happy.

"Oh… Were you worried, Aziraphale? You shouldn't have. It was great. Care to try it too?" He extended his hand in invitation.

"Oh… oh… I really shouldn't. Wait, how do you know my name?"

"You are the god of death. I would really pity anyone who'd fail to recognise you. Now, have you come for me?"

"How can you ask such a question so calmly, my dear?"

"It really is unwise to jump off of a cliff. But I had to know whether it would take me as much time as it did with the stone. And hey, it did. Now, may I say a few words to my mother before we go?"

"I'm… I'm not taking you with me. No. Never."

"You are what?"

"Not taking you with me. I can't. I have to, but I can't. No, absolutely, decidedly no."

"Why, am I that disgusting?"

Aziraphale couldn't find it in him to openly admit that he'd like nothing more.

"There's a serpent, down in your world. Their name is Crawly, or so I called them. Would you mind giving them my love?"

"Of… of course. I'd be happy to… have a nice day, my dear."

Crowley watched Aziraphale go and shrugged. Aziraphale refused to tell anything to Gabriel. 

***

He was sitting by the body of a young hero who had chosen to wear his lover's armour and lead the battle. It was sad, because the war itself was stupid, because the hero's lover was stupid, because everything about the world of the living all of a sudden appeared stupid to Aziraphale who had to rejoice in that much death, but didn't. It wasn't an old person dying in their bed surrounded by loved ones. It was a young and witless man who had never told his lover how much he cared for him. 

"What a fool," Aziraphale heard. He looked up and saw Crowley.

"What are you doing here?"

"Measuring the skulls."

"What?"

"Measuring their skulls. All of it is awful and unnatural, and something good must, must come out of it, otherwise I see no reason in any of this mess. So I'm measuring their skulls."

"And what good may come of it?"

"Scientific good."

"So what, you can decide who's better by measuring their skulls?"

"What the fuck! No! I want to figure out the average size of a skull of a grown up man. When I compare it to the measurements of newborn's skull I'll know how much we grow. And no, I didn't kill any babies for it."

"You are a god. Gods don't…"

"Aren't you a god, too?"

"Not like you. You never see the other side of things."

"Oh, you mean their stories? No, I haven't. When you see this boy down there, tell him his lover is heartbroken. That one, over there, his wife is waiting for him, she's raising their daughter alone and dreams of him. That old one, the one the boy at your feet killed, he was in love with his servant, and his servant loved him dearly. He killed himself an hour ago when he learned of his master's death."

Aziraphale was silent.

"Why did you seek me out, Aziraphale?"

"It's neither time, nor place."

"Why did you seek me out?"

"Because Gabriel told me to marry you."

"Oh… I see. Why didn't you then?"

"You don't deserve it."

"Am I that bad?"

"Nothing to do with you, my dear. I can't devoid you of this world."

"Look around, Aziraphale? What is it here that is worth staying?"

"Quite a lot. You are too young to understand. It's ineffable."

"Slaughter and atrocity are ineffable? The whole world is carnage, Aziraphale. Everything eventually dies, but most things are killed, old age is a privilege of both a tree and a human."

"That's a very dark way of seeing the world, my dear."

"That's true, Aziraphale. Yet, death begets life, at least when it comes to animals and plants, but with humans… oh, they are masters of death."

"They are. I feel they are taking over my duties… And I don't kill."

"Come, Aziraphale. Let's find some wine." Crowley gave Aziraphale his hand and smiled. Aziraphale gladly took that hand, thin, sharp, long, an ivy of a limb, and taking it Aziraphale felt like an old and robust tree, but while an ivy would be the slow death of a tree, that ivy was caressing his very soul with his touch. 

They had to travel quite far to find a place where nothing would remind them of war and ended up on the cliff where they had met. After too much wine both gods collapsed on the grass and looked at the stars.

"You know what happens when juice turns into wine, Aziraphale?"

"What, my dear?"

"You seriously don't know?"

"I don't."

"Oh my. So what happens is that sugar changes into ethanol and carbon dioxide. The yeasts perform the conversion, they are fungi."

"How do you know that? Even winemakers don't know it."

"I'm curious and observant."

For a few moments they remained silent. Aziraphale searched for Crowley's hand in the grass and took it.

"Tell me something else, my dear."

Crowley hummed and considered his choice before speaking again.

"What is the fastest thing in the universe?"

"Ehm… a cheetah?"

"Light. Cheetah could never outrun light, nothing can outrun light. But I've been thinking, what if there's something that is so big, so heavy, so dense that even light can't escape it?"

"Seems to be a sad thought, my dear."

"No, it's not. It's wondrous… To me, that dark, heavy, inescapable body is… it seems, I mean, amazing. I wouldn't be scared of it."

"I would, my dear… my dear…" Aziraphale rolled in the grass and looked down at Crowley.

"Yes, Aziraphale?.. you know, to me you seem just as wondrous. You pull me in, and I don't even want to escape. Yet, for something as unknowable as death, you are so bright, so soft, so kind… how did you even end up with death?"

"I gave away my firstborn right to Gabriel, and he wanted to… see me as seldom as possible, so he sent me as far from the world as he could, but I love it… I'm not sorry about it."

"What are you sorry about, Aziraphale, god of death, blue-eyed sentimental soft bastard?" Crowley rolled them both over and now he was looking down at Aziraphale burying his fingers in Aziraphale's curly dandelion-white hair.

"I'm sorry I've met you, my dear."

"I'm so flattered."

"No, I mean… I can't marry you, I can't bear the thought of you marrying someone else, I can't imagine marrying anyone else."

"Then you should marry me." Crowley whispered it and leaned in to kiss Aziraphale, but the god pushed him away and over on the grass.

"I can't. You will be dead, you will be there, among the dead. You won't be able to leave unless I allow you to, and I don't want you to depend on me for your freedom."

Crowley sat up and looked at Aziraphale.

"Then I guess we'll never talk anymore."

"It's only for the better, my dear."

"Oh, look at you. You can't see me dependant on you for my freedom, but here you are judging what might benefit my heart."

Aziraphale blushed and bit his lip.

"You think this is easy for me? All I wanted since we met was to fucking claim you as my own, just as I was told…"

"Right, I should admire your noble motives. Your valiant disobedience."

"I don't want your admiration. I can't force you into something you might not want after a few days back in my domain."

"Deciding for me again, Aziraphale. Maybe I was mistaken, maybe you are just like your wanker of a brother, can't bear the idea of free will, but everything, down to the tiniest cell has free will, and I have 37.2 trillion cells, trust me, I counted. All of my 37.2 trillion cells have been longing to touch you since you stood beside me on this cliff, and you think you are mighty enough to make a different choice for them all?"

"I… I don't want you. I don't even like you. We are opposites."

Crowley stood up and left.

***

He began researching, asking, questioning, making theories. He discovered what happened in a body when the body was in love. He discovered what atrocities humans would commit thinking their obsession could be called love and was therefore justified. He studied lust. He studied tenderness and care. The goddess was proud of him and answered his questions, but soon she wasn't able to. She had no answers for her son's questions.

One day Crowley found a slow and cold river. He sat on the bank and looked down into the water. It was gray, but the evening sun dipped it's pink fingers in it and Crowley could see, all of a sudden, how Aziraphale stood by the window of his chamber and looked out for something, for someone.

"Look at me," demanded Crowley, but Aziraphale couldn't hear or see him, so Crowley leaned closer to the water and whispered, "I was sure when I saw you, you are an axiome, you don't need to be proved, you are always right. I knew when I saw you, and I chose when I saw you. I jumped off of that cliff to show off and to calm down, because I wanted you instantly. Didn't you?"

He let the water carry his message down, and stepped into the river. "Carry me to Aziraphale. I won't be scared, I won't turn back."

The river rushed down, cut under his feet and carried him forward. Crowley closed his eyes and stopped breathing. "You know, Aziraphale, fast isn't bad. Even eternity has an end, and I want all of the eternity till the very end with you…" Then he fell asleep.

***

He woke up when the river washed him on the cool, gray, ash-like sand. There were apple trees along the bank, and Crowley picked one apple and smiled at it.

"Have to ask first, though." So he walked among the shadows, many of them, most of them much happier and calmer in death than they were in life. He walked and walked and walked, until he reached a white palace built of nothing but mist and clouds. Aziraphale was standing by the entrance, furious and dewy-eyed.

"What are you doing here, Crowley?"

"May I eat this apple?"

"You absolutely can't!"

"Why?"

"It will destroy you! You'll never leave, unless I let you and…"

"And if I don't want to leave? Not without you anyway."

"No!"

"Marry me, Aziraphale. Be the obedient older brother, the generous and kind spirit that you are."

"No!"

"Marry me, Aziraphale, or I'll eat that apple and wander your kingdom till the end of eternity. You'll never see me, but… what is the point of springs and sunsets, of stars and seas, if I can't share them with you?"

"What is the point of my kingdom if I can't share it with you?" Echoed Aziraphale and covered his traitorous mouth with his hand.

Crowley laughed and bit into the apple.

"Delicious… you should try it." And he leaned in and kissed Aziraphale on the lips, passing the bite he had taken into Aziraphale's mouth.

"Now, you are mine, and I am yours. And that wanker of the mighty king of gods, he'd think he punished us, and we'll be so happy, he'll turn green with envy."

***

Gabriel was looking forward to seeing Aziraphale and his husband. He was gloating thinking of their sullen and sour faces. When he joined the feast, he didn't see them, but it only had to wait. Aziraphale had never been punctual.

They entered the halls, holding hands, lips kiss-bitten, and faces elated. No one could take their eyes off of them, and congratulated them. The goddess smiled and kissed them both, and Gabriel could never feel smaller or more insignificant.

"Thank you, Gabriel, for your kind gift," said Crowley kneeling. 

"You are so wise, brother," said Aziraphale kneeling next to his beloved.

**Author's Note:**

> Goethe did measure the skulls of the fallen soldiers on a battlefield for scientific research. Getting one's hands on a corpse was difficult and sometimes even forbidden.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Comments and kudos are love.


End file.
